


todo tiene su final

by doubtthestars



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 07:46:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14666559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doubtthestars/pseuds/doubtthestars
Summary: a conversation between childhood friends as a dream ends.





	todo tiene su final

**Author's Note:**

> im a sad ho. i apologize for barfing my feeling in public. 
> 
> title from hector lavoe's todo tiene su final.

He picks up after the ninth call goes to voicemail. It's not that he doesn't want to hear from Jefferson, but he doesn't want to talk. He especially doesn't want to listen to whatever platitudes everyone and their mother have on the tip of their tongue after the verdict was confirmed. He didn't think he had the strength to move. He could barely breathe with the tightness in his chest at the disappointment. 

Paolo only hears silence over the line before Jeffry chokes out an angry noise.

"Hey," he rasps out, feeling a little steadier, if only for Jeffrey's sake. That's how it went usually, Paolo balances Jefferson out and Jefferson balances out Paolo.

"I'm not going." Jefferson puts a stupid amount of determination in his voice for such a ridiculous statement.

"Jeffry," He sighs out, unable to muster the energy to fight him. 

"I'm not." He repeats stubbornly, and Paolo's field of vision goes hazy around the edges as anger burns up all the grace and good will he has left. He can't take it seriously, not when he had just gotten the worst news of his life. 

"Stop."

"Paolo, I can't, not-" He laughs, a little meanly, low in his throat.

"No, I _can't_ , Jeffry. I can't go to the World Cup. You can, you selfish fuck. No one is telling you to give up your spot, to give up your dream." His voice doesn't manage to rise up to his rage because it cracks half-way through. Jefferson makes some soft shushing noises before Paolo even realizes he's crying again. His whole body trembling along with the effort to not curl up and disappear.

"I'm sorry." Jeffry says quietly.

It takes him a few tries to get words out between shuddering gasps for air, pain lancing through him with every effort. He balls up his hands, urging himself not to fail in this too.

"I know, I know." He knows he was only trying to set things right. Paolo just can't bring himself to stay strong, to let Jeffry distract him or egg him on. He doesn't think there's anything Jeffry could do to make this better, because there wasn't anything to do but bear it.

"I don't know what to do." Jefferson confesses to him. Paolo blinks hard, exhausted in all of his emotions.

"I'm flying back to Lima in the morning." It's an olive branch, clumsy in the hand-off but he hears Jeffrey's sigh of relief that he'll be closer in twelve hours. Paolo can barely make out the shuffle of his mother outside of his room. He didn't want her to see him like this. He'd heard enough and read enough of her interview to know she was furious on his behalf. 

It wouldn't make a difference if she marched up to Infantino to yell at him.

"I'll be here." He can hear his sharp inhale, preparing or psyching himself up. "Paolo, I'm _sorry_ , really." 

And that's all he'll be hearing for the next four weeks, maybe the next eight months, possibly the rest of his life. He can't think of the future. He can't really think past the World Cup and what it would've meant to be there. It's all a numb slide of decision he'll have to take eventually, but can't think of right now.

"Paolo?" He doesn't want to talk anymore. His throat is a desert, swallowing up his words.

"Okay. It's okay. I can talk for the both of us if you want." Paolo gives into laying down, curled into a crescent. Some distant part of his brain telling him to let go of his tension before it makes his whole body ache in the morning, but he refuses. The aches will tell him it's not some terrible nightmare.

"After--after, I'm flying to wherever you are, and we're going to celebrate your birthday." Paolo squeezes his eyes shut. It's been a while since they made those sort of plans. He liked low-key events, where his family and some friends could wish him a happy birthday. Jefferson like loud venues with louder people.

"We could celebrate late, if you want." Jefferson is so very careful to not mention the why, that Paolo refuses to give in to the burning behind his eyes. 

"And when you get called up again, we can plan our retirement." Paolo goes stiff, shocked. They never talked about it, even as they were keenly aware of getting older, of gaining seniority on the squad. It wasn't a conversation they wanted to hash out, not when Jefferson was getting a second wind in Russia and Paolo had been adored in Brazil. 

"If we can't have this together, then we'll finish our careers side by side." He can almost see it, the commemoration, the applause, the last lap around the field in their home stadium. 

"Jeffry," he starts, not sure exactly where he wants to go. 

"Please, let me do this. I've made up my mind. We retire together." Paolo should convince him otherwise as the older and probably wiser player. There's no guarantees that he will ever be called up again, even if he manages to find a club that will take him. Jefferson will eventually feel the itch of another club and another league, and Paolo will try to figure out what to do without football.

"You shouldn't," is as much as he can muster, without giving away the warmth he feels at the thought of being given that chance. They will never hoist up the World Cup together and they will never see their childhood dream come true, but they could have this one thing.

"I want to. I'll be ready, whenever you want to call it quits." 

Paolo doesn't thank him, but he imagines, Jefferson can read it in his overwhelmed silence anyway. 

"You have to show them you're willing to fight, Paolo. You have to get up and tell everyone that believes in you, that you're still here, with them. They're going to _march_ for you...tell them you love them too." 

It's hard to get up, and it will be harder still in the coming days, between the world cup and the start of a new season without anywhere to go, but Paolo wasn't going to roll over. He would stand proudly.

**Author's Note:**

> notes:
> 
> 1\. Paolo's mom is out for blood and mad as all hell. I would link the interview but it's 35 minutes long. Point is, she's pointing a lot of fingers especially at the federation and at a certain old goat player. They have beef. It's a long story.
> 
> 2\. Paolo's birthday is the 1rst of Jan and the TAS suspension will end the 3rd of Jan for an extra kick in the teeth.
> 
> 3\. Flamengo (Paolo's club) isn't going to renew his contract which ends in the summer so Paolo is going to be up in the air for a bit. 
> 
> 4\. Jefferson plays for Lokomotiv Moscow. and has been pretty prolific. The fans have a chant for him and everything. They won the league this year.
> 
> 5\. The FPF is a shitshow and I dont have enough words or time to delve into it. Case in point, Paolo was literally doing promo pictures five hours before the news dropped of his 18 month ban.


End file.
